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Feedback about the book and the movie:
Xiaobo's book was featured at the Shanghai Book Fair in August 2012
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​Feedback from 
New Castle, PA
1)Your 14 recipes for love could be expanded into a very effective manual for a successful  marriage.  Not everyone, Xiaobo, has had the opportunity to be on the receiving end of great love, let alone twice. Your recipes speak of profound wisdom that could help improve any marriage.
I don't believe in coincidence and realistically, what are the chances of a jewish male from Pittsburgh meeting a chinese woman from Shanghai and being able to tick off all the boxes regarding interests and priorities let alone falling in love?
Love does not stop at the grave...after all, the body is only a vessel we humans need to get around on this earth.....Jack guided both of you to each other to continue the great love you both shared in his life.  His soul (essence) is still very much alive for all eternity.
Your love together is a gift from beyond. 
I hope one day you can both come to New Castle.   I would love to have your fill in some gaps for me in your story.
Blessing to you both
Elisabeth & Bruce
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小波Xiaobo:
文章写得好,文中故事更精彩!人间真爱、友间真情。—-你真美!你真棒!来不及倾听你的动人故事、来不及学习你的感人事迹!——虽相见恨晚,但终算有缘![握手][握手][拥抱][拥抱][玫瑰][玫瑰]
雯华 
2018-10-1

2)Dear Xiaobo,
Thank you for inviting me to see your documentary at PC TV .  Your story was truly expressed through this film.
I was impressed how you and Jack really worked at your marriage and made it successful.  He was an amazing individual, but then so are you.
My heart went out to you when you said your heart was bleeding.  I so understand that as when I went through my divorce, I felt like my heart was literally breaking.  There were times I couldn't breathe and would heave from the upset.
I remember understanding a passage from scripture that says the Holy Spirit prays on our behalf through moans and groans that are not discernible to us.  You can't imagine the agony that I expressed and didn't know when it came from.
The other piece that hit me hard, was when you said "all I ever wanted was a family".  That is one of the reasons I was attracted to my ex husband's Italian family.  They were always together eating, drinking, celebrating life.  But the hardest part of the divorce was losing them completely.  So where I thought I was part of the family, I was excluded because I wasn't blood.
Your 14 recipes of love reminded me of the Scripture passage 1 Corinthians 13.  This passage represents agape love, that is not a romantic love, but the way we are called to love one another, the way God loves us.
Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs, Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.
I really meant it when I said that you inspire hope.  Sharing your story and seeing you remarried and finding another man to love who loves you allows others to hope.  Continue to share your story, knowing that God has blessed you yet again.
I wish you and Jay much happiness and a long successful relationship.  Love doesn't see skin color, nationality, or religion, it sees another human being created in the image and likeness of God.  
May God bless you and your family,
with love,
Cathy
May 23, 2016

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黄老师,你好!看了几遍你发来的贴子,让我感动,几次想写,但欲言又止,你是个不可多得的才女,不畏艰难,勇敢面对,能文能武,聪明才智,对生活充满热情与憧憬,不论在国内还是在美国,你就象一团火,组织带领大家参加各项有益活动,不忘初心,传承中华文化,促进中美两国间人文交流,是两国人民的桥梁[握手]……等,总之让我敬佩!
     时间过得好快,我随女儿来美国访学己快一年,三月底即将回国,没有机会再参加你们的活动,有点遗憾和相见恨晚,但是我们在老年中心相遇,一见如故,这也是缘分,让我们相识,我一定会把这次不同寻常的春节联欢活动和你—黄小波,牢牢记在心里。我忠心的欢迎你和你先生来上海玩![握手][握手][握手][抱拳][抱拳][抱拳][爱心][爱心][爱心]      敏丽 2020年2月29日
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Feedback about our documentary movie, "14 Recipes for Love"              and book, "Believe in Love"
Feedback on my book, Believe in Love, from Robin M., January 22, 2020 
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3)读后感
        小波在回忆的时候,想起开心的事时候会不禁的笑起来, 想起离别的时候会大声痛哭。在看这本书的时候,我也是一样,和书里的人一起笑一起哭 。虽然我没有见过小波的前夫JACK,但是他却活生生的在我脑海里,好像我非常了解这个人。他是一个这样爱搞笑,爱逗周围的人开心,并深爱着家人的人。不管是顺境还是逆境,JACK总是积极向上的生活,还不断的帮助别人。他说过的很多话做过的很多事,都是这么有魅力,是一个平凡又可敬的人。
        感觉本书的作者也是非常有才华的人,把点点滴滴整理的连贯易懂。书里没有很多华丽的语言,大多都是生活的对话,却让人感觉温暖,印象深刻。很多夫妻之间会有这样那样的矛盾,但是小波和JACK的爱,让他们超越了这些,在一起的20几年,留下的都是幸福,幸福……
        为家庭琐事烦恼的人,是不是可以受到一些启示,想想自己爱对方够不够?自己有没有为家庭尽全力付出?我甚至害怕看最后的章节,我希望在书里,这时间可以停止,这幸福可以永远。
但是,世界上没有什么是永恒的。看完和JACK告别的那一章,我用光了几盒纸巾。我是个天生心软的人,悲剧的电影电视剧都不敢看。
虽然生离死别是人之常事,但是真的发生在自己周围,还是会很难过。一个不认识的人尚且如此,何况是和JACK走过大半辈子的小波。
读过之后,可以非常理解,她是如何度过那段最痛苦的时光。
祝福小波,祝福JACK。
这本书是小波给自己留下的回忆。也是给在天堂的JACK最好的礼物。
Guo Hong Jie
Pittsburgh
2-25-2014


 
4)Live to Perfection in Love: The Story of Jack, Xiaobo and Jay
Published in Erie Chinese Journal-Translated by: Dr.Ruiqin Miao
July 19, 2011
Writer: Qiong Huang, Accountant, Masters in Finance and Taxation
 
1. It was at Pittsburgh International Airport that I met Xiaobo for the first time. We recognized each other instantly, although neither of us had seen the other before. Xiaobo had a warm and sincere simile, but I detected sadness in her eyes. Later on, through various conversations with her, I learned about the tragedy of her husband Jack. It was the eve of Thanksgiving Day 2009, less than a year after Jack passed away. While other families are busy preparing for their festive reunion, Xiaobo faced a collapsed world.
Jack was the unparalleled hero of Xiaobo. A casual visit of Xiaobo to Jack, who then lived in Youngstown in 1987, brought them into love and initiated their fairytale love story of 22 years.
Xiaobo was not a Cinderella who had the rare fortune of marrying a prince. Jack ran a bakery. They had to work hard to earn a living. When business was slow, they had difficulty making ends meet. However, their simple and ordinary life did not lack of color or fun at all, as long as Jack was around. When Xiaobo was tired, Jack sang Italian love songs to her; when she was blue, he made faces to cheer her up; when she was sick, he prayed to God that he would take on Xiaobo’s pain. They were together all day along, but Jack wrote cards, notes, and letters to Xiaobo to tell her how much he loved her. He never stopped writing in those 22 years. Xiaobo forwarded to me some copies of those cards, which are heart-touching and warm as ever.
Xiaobo was not the only person who received Jack’s care and love. A loyal Christian, Jack never hesitated to care about others. One thing he did every morning after getting up was to read the Bible and then to pray for a long list of people. Everyone who had acquaintance with him could sense his enthusiasm and vitality. Ever after he passed away, those, like me who had never met him in person, could still feel how vividly he lived in the memories of many.  
Xiaobo was born an easy-going person. Jack turned her into a merry bird by love. Jack was her sky, her sunshine and her air. The sudden loss of Jack was a hard blow to Xiaobo, as if her wings were broken. Her days without him were spent in tears and sadness, and she lost 20 pounds in a short time. Her family decided to take her back to Shanghai. How would she face future life without Jack?
Xiaobo may not realize herself that 20 years of a happy marriage had integrated her life with Jack’s. Jack’s benevolence and love did not come out of nowhere. He lived a true Christian life and brought perpetual love to many people. Although he is gone, his love and vitality continue in Xiaobo and remain in cards, letters, videos, photos as well as many peoples’ hearts.
Just as the verse on Jack’s tomb says:
If tomorrow comes
I am not here
Do not think that we are apart
Whenever you think of me
I will be in your heart
 
2. While Xiaobo was regaining her spirit to plan her future, Jay entered her life. Xiaobo moved here and became my neighbor since Jay works in Pittsburgh. I had regretted not having a chance to know Jack and witness his love with Xiaobo. Now, I could have opportunities to get to know Xiaobo and Jay in close contact. Jay is a university professor, and a handsome gentleman just like Jack. He had the  unhappy marriage before. My first impression of him was that he was rather quiet. Xiaobo’s sister and I both were happy for them but little concerned at the same time. We wondered whether Xiaobo could help Jay get out of the shadow of his previous marriage and whether Jay could face Xiaobo’s broken heart caused by Jack’s tragedy.
Like many love partners, Jay was first attracted by Xiaobo’s unique personality, and Xiaobo was moved by Jay’s sincerity. They spent a lot of time together, attending various events, introducing one to the other’s friends, and celebrating birthdays for each other. They were fully devoted to each other. Xiaobo brought her years’ of experience in a successful marriage into her relationship with Jay, although not intentionally. On Jay’s birthday, Xiaobo gave him a pleasant surprise in addition to the routine of writing him a birthday card. Jay was so moved that he wrote an e-mail in just 5 minutes to tell Xiaobo 33 reasons why he loves her! We laughed at this anecdote, saying that this was a real professor’s love style.   
What Xiaobo and Jay have is not just romance, but rather they have to face various practical issues. The trauma of Jack’s death on Xiaobo is one of the most difficult. Once in a while, Xiaobo may get lost in mind, as if she went back to yesterday. She mentions Jack frequently, and Jack’s photos are present everywhere. She drops into overwhelming sadness unexpectedly. All these make us rather worried about her relationship with Jay.
However, as long as two people are in love, there is no difficulty that cannot be overcome. Their devotion is paid off with mutual acceptance. Jay helps Xiaobo recover from the sad loss of Jack by visiting Jack’s grave in Youngstown, as well as visiting Jack’s family and friends. He has experienced the kind of life Jack once had with Xiaobo and has received blessings from Jack’s family and friends. Xiaobo’s lovely daughter, Mae, visits them regularly. In a certain sense, the love and blessings that Xiaobo and Jack enjoyed did not end, but rather continue and revitalize. Jay is happy with and nurtured by this pleasant feeling. He has become more sociable, and the vitality that has been lying deep in his heart is now awake. In Xiaobo’s words, “Jay is now slowly blossoming.”  
Xiaobo decided to produce a book in memory of her love and marriage with Jack, which was later supplemented with videos. This was time-consuming and effort-demanding. When she wants to discuss the details, Jay is always there, patiently helping her to revise articles and give suggestions. He has not only fallen in love with Xiaobo, but also has been fully engaged in part of her emotional world, past and present, good and bad, sunny and windy.
Xiaobo once recalled a visit she and Jay paid to Jack’s grave. While she was speaking emotionally to Jack, Jay said, “I also have something to tell Jack.” He then said, “Jack, You are the star that brings good fortune to Xiaobo and me. I will learn from your successful marriage and make your lovely wife happy with all my efforts. Bye.”
One day ago, we had a gathering at Xiaobo’s home when a friend and her family came to visit. Upon seeing the sweetness between Xiaobo and Jay, that lady and I could not help saying to Jay, “How lucky Xiaobo is! Although she lost a perfect Jack, she has you to be another perfect partner.”  Jay thought for a moment and then told us very seriously, “It is you who are lucky because you did not experience the same kind of pain and sadness as Xiaobo did.”  Such words earned Jay my high regard. He loves Xiaobo truly and sincerely, and meanwhile his feeling transcends mere love. In this sense, Jay can be called another hero.
Life that was once bestowed on Jack is to continue in Jay.  
Those who have extended their blessings to Jack and Xiaobo now give the same blessings to Jay and Xiaobo, wishing them a perfect life in love.
Xiaobo, may you unfold your wings and soar again!
 
 


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2013年6月, 在上海骆新看了小波纪录片的英文版,并送了他的书给小波和Jay,他说他对小波的爱情,尤其是丈夫Jay帮助小波节哀,成为她纪录片的编辑而感动,骆新先生,知识渊博,平易近人,第一次见面,像老朋友一样谈了两个小时。

5)黄小波的母亲,作家欧阳翠


我昨天晚上睡得很不好,因为我想到过去的很多很多事情。我今年已经是高龄了,94岁,到哪里都是最老的一个。我的家庭是出身于一个书香门第。我的曾祖父在科举时代的时候做过进士,在当时的朝廷里当官。我的祖父也当过县官,所以我这个家庭是封建的,比较保守的。所以我受的教育是有些传统的。我跟黄彬琳结婚,她的爸爸在抗日战争的时候参加了黄埔军校,他是为了抗日。这个人他有一个特点,就是在重庆大轰炸的时候,他首先去想到别人,他去背很多老年人,背在他背后,带他们逃。小波是我最小的女儿, 她不贪,这是她的特点,这个特点一直伴随她一生,这个是很好的。

曾经有一次,她陪我去看毛病,在路上,她两个姐姐留在家里。她回来时候她姐姐问,你吃了多少棒冰,吃了多少雪糕,她说,我什么都没吃。确确实实,我这个小女儿,我带她出去的时候,我在路上问她,你吃雪糕吗,你吃棒冰吗,她绝对不吃。第二,她在学校是一个班长,她的老师对她很喜欢,总讲,小波帮我很大的忙。几乎班级里很多事情都是小波帮我做的。所以她读书我也很放心。

后来在文化大革命当中,我们的房子被抢掉了,我们就搬到作家协会的宿舍里。那里面住了好多人家,一共有七个女孩子。当时小波也只有十几岁,但是比她大的,比她小的,一共七个女孩子,都跟她非常好。每到大扫除,那个时候大扫除非常重要的,就叫小波从楼下一直扫到三楼。所以每到大扫除的时候,孔罗荪太太那个女的小组长,周玉萍,就叫,小波,又到大扫除的时间了, 小波就带着七个女孩子。从楼下,到一楼,到二楼,到三楼,打扫得干干净净的,所以我觉得她很合群。
那时候那些女孩子都喜欢她,一生病,大人都在干校,不在家,“小波,陪我去看病吧”?小波当时也很小,不过十来岁,她就带着我同事的孩子去看急诊。他们家没人烧饭,两个孩子就跑到我们家来吃饭,她跟她姐姐两个人。不管什么小菜,她们吃得很开心。所以她在群众当中很好,大家都喜欢,小波啊,这个事找她,那个事找她,就这样一个性格的人。

到后来她要读书了,她后来考取了华师大之后,结识了Paula,是美国的一个律师。Paula跟她几个月的相处,成为了好朋友。后来是Paula帮助小波到美国去读书,对她非常好,快30年了几乎是姐妹之情。所以她到美国以后我觉得也很放心。她申请到了奖学金,她跟paula讲, 不要再寄钱给她了, 不要让Paula来招待她,所以她后来到Akron大学去读书。

在读书期间她跟我通电话,那时候通电话的价钱很大的,所以也讲不了多少话。一年以后,突然有一天她打电话回来,她说她要结婚了。我当时也不知道她怎么回事。一年以后她突然寄了两张飞机票,叫我跟她爸爸一起到美国去。她说我的结婚一周年纪念。当时我们一听,是个什么人呢,是个美国人,什么样的人我们也不清楚。所以我们去的时候,怀着一个怀疑的心情,很不安地到了美国。到了美国以后,她介绍Jack跟我见面,当时我也不是很同意。我觉得,不要跟一个美国人结婚,中国人就找一个中国人好了。但是他们已经结婚了,所以我们也没办法。我们在那里跟他们相处以后,结果Jack是个很好的人。他对我讲,你到我这里来,我把你当成亲生妈妈一样的。他对她爸爸很好,整天带他到这里去,到那里去,给他去看训狗。他生病杰克为他洗脚, 刮胡子,当时他们两个没什么钱,我们住了快一年就回来了。

回来以后,我也不知道他们生活到底怎么样,但是我后来第二次去了美国。当时他开了饭店,又是面包店又是饭店,他在那儿忙得起劲得很,跟我接触也不是太多。但是有一天我发现,Jack对小波的态度是我想象不到的。回来以后,他们生意还好,但没有地方停车,小波就主张把自己心爱的房子轰炸掉,做停车场。轰炸的时候,是她的主张。我回到中国以后,她打电话来说,今天我把房子轰炸掉了。实际上轰炸以后,他们生意不好,到后来饭店也关门了,是很大的损失,连房子也没得住了,就住到面包房里去了。这个事情是小波主张的,后来有人问Jack,你为什把房子轰炸掉了,他说,不要讲不要讲。人家很奇怪为什么不能讲,他讲,这个事情是小波主张的,你要提这个事情,小波要难过了,当时也是为了投资,所以以后你们都不要问这房子问什么轰炸掉了。从这两点事情我就看到了,小波在Jack那里,他是什么地方都想到不让小波有什么不愉快,他们过得很愉快。

后来有了一个孩子以后,三个人,他们在家里,每个人招待客人,大家都先商量好,我今天煮这个菜,他说我做这个菜,三个人每个都是凑起来的,不是哪一个特别做得多。所以他们的生活一直是很开心,很欢乐。Jack他是无限的爱给小波。我就觉得很放心。

后来他们有一个事情,几乎是没有工作,生活很困难,情况很糟糕。但是我们小波没有嫌他贫穷。她一开头嫁给Jack就知道他当时没什么钞票的,从来没有问他有多少钞票。所以我觉得,我们小波不贪的,结婚以后Jack给她买个东西,她都说太贵了。在美国东西可以退的,她马上把贵的东西退回去,买个最便宜的。在美国,一些女的总喜欢打扮,戴最好的耳环,最好的手链,但是小波不要,她晓得她经济条件不好。后来到他们没有工作,贫穷的时候,小波她可以住五星级的旅馆,但是她也会睡地板,睡水门汀。到他家里的人,她可以把最好的房间,最好的床让给朋友,她自己睡在地板上。这一点,小波一生都是这样做的,一直到现在,她也是这样。2010年她大姐眼睛开刀, 她自己睡在办公室一张小床上3个月, 让他们住在她的主卧室里。

我没想到20几年以后,在他们条件已经逐渐变好的时候,Jack他没有忘记我。他对小波讲,我的妈妈没享受到过什么,你妈妈也没有享受,你现在应该给你妈妈多一点享受啊。这是在他去世前一个礼拜,小波在电话里告诉我的。所以我觉得,他不但是爱小波,还爱她的家里人。这在两个不同的国家,不同的文化,不同的生活,这样的人我还没看到很多。所以我觉得Jack是很好的。他到中国来,我们都去接他,他在车子上大喊:“中国万岁!”所以给我的印象,觉得他好像不是外国人,人很活泼。他爱小波,他爱我家里人。因此我们也都很爱他。他来了以后,我们全家人都去接他,招待他。他对孩子教育很好,一方面对孩子的生活照顾得好,一方面对孩子教育得很好。所以他们的孩子出来,在学校里连续四年,每年都得到很多奖状,她的奖状是满抽屉的。在她高中刚刚毕业的时候,Jack走了。这一点是我们最伤心的一件大事。

小波两年前回来,她本来是一个很活泼,很开朗,会讲话的人。这次回来,她几乎是全身心地崩溃了。她又瘦,又憔悴。她告诉我,我问小波你怎么样了,“我心痛”。我知道我们中国人讲那个“伤心”,她就是因为Jack走了,她伤心。她伤心,我也伤心。我陪了她两年。我想对她讲,你忘了过去吧。她怪我,我不应该忘记过去,我应该很好地祭奠他,怀念他。后来我想,我这话不讲了,我们应该怀念Jack,怀念Jack在美国对我女儿有这么好的爱,全身心的爱她, 爱我女儿这么多年的美国人。,无微不至地照顾她。所以小波她痛苦,我也痛苦。我们全家人都为她痛苦,我们就希望她能够好,但是我简直束手无策。就在我们万分悲痛,万分束手无策的时候,我们讲,小波,你要有健康,你应该还有工作,你还有后半生好过。

就在去年,奇迹出现了,Jay奇迹般的出现在她的生活当中。这次Jay是第二次来到中国。第一次来的时候,我的眼睛是看不见了,但是他给每个人的印象都很好。这个人是个很真诚,很认真,也是充满了爱的好的美国人。他曾经陪了小波到Jack的坟墓上,他去了好多次了。他每次和Jack讲,我和你是好朋友,你是上帝送给小波的第一个礼物,现在我是上帝送给她的第二个礼物。我要一辈子照顾她,给她爱,请你放心。我觉得这个人很大度,也很有爱心。在这点上我们全家都很感动,对他表示感谢。今后的日子我想他们会过得更好的。他说小波是个很青春的女人,他说她对Jack的好,我要向Jack学习。她对Jay也好。Jay他家庭当中是把妻子摆在第一位,小波也是这样。所以我祝他们两个,今后小波恢复健康快乐,幸福一辈子。
 
2011 年, 上海, 旅美作家冰凌访谈, 电视录像

6)作家欧阳文彬,讲到: (2011 年)

我是看着小波长大的 。我感觉到小波跟她母亲一样的,就是善良、正直、富有爱心,特别富有爱心。给我印象最深的事情,就是小波有个奶妈,叫张妈 妈。她对着个奶妈的感情是很深很深的。那个张妈妈后来到我家里来,帮助我做家政,那个时候小波经常来看张妈妈,就一直到我家里来。她跟张妈妈亲热得就像亲 母女一样,对她非常地关心。后来小波到了美国,特为邀请张妈妈到美国去旅游。张妈妈年纪大了,她是农村的妇女,劳动妇女,没有能去。但这个事情使我也很感 动。
后来小波去美国以后,我们接触少了。她结婚以后,我见到她的爱人杰克的时候,杰克给我的印象,跟小波一样的富有爱心。他对待小波的母亲,对待欧阳翠,就像自己的母亲一样。特别是对欧阳翠的朋友,像我,还有包括在座的几位,也当成他的亲人,这一点很不容易。这说明杰克他们的确 是真心相爱,虽然是异国人。他每次来上海探亲,都要请上欧阳翠的好朋友,就是我们在座的这几位,我们四个人,都要请过来相聚的。这一点我觉得也是非常地不 容易。当然很不幸杰克他后来生病了。生病了以后,我也看到小波她的痛苦,失去了最亲爱的人的痛苦。但是小波还是挺过来了,我觉得她也是坚强的。所以这方面 我感觉她是曾经拥有吧,这样的爱情好像是很难得很可贵的。现在你们为她做这样一个专访,我认为 是很值得的。我自己作为欧阳翠的好朋友,在这里也是为他们的事情感到很感动。
7)        作家彭新琪讲到:
那时候我们在干校,在奉贤干校,我们的孩子们都暑假去过暑假,小波在孩子们当中是一个头。她很有凝聚力,为什么呢,她的性 情,性格非常好。很热情,非常热情,对人很诚恳,她很勤劳,所以在小朋友当中很有凝聚力。我老记得他们几个小朋友,晚上吃过饭以后一起在干校的水槽那里洗 衣服,跟她一道洗。有的时候她带着大家一起到桃园去买桃子,给我们买桃子。她很有组织能力,而且人很善良,很热心地为大家做事。所以从那个时候起,十三四 岁我们就很?了。以后干校回来,她考取了华东师大,也很勤奋,读书读得很好,同学关系都非常好。所以大家都很喜欢她。她今天很幸运地碰到两个对象,都对她 非常好,所以她一辈子生活在爱的当中,跟她的性格是很有关系的,也对大家很好。
8)
Eva Chao <chao912@gmail.com> 8/4/16

Extraordinary love story! Great advices.

Eva

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