Feedback about the book and the movie:
Xiaobo's book was featured at the Shanghai Book Fair in August 2012
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1) Elisabeth & Bruce
Feedback from New Castle, PA
1)Your 14 recipes for love could be expanded into a very effective manual for a successful marriage. Not everyone, Xiaobo, has had the opportunity to be on the receiving end of great love, let alone twice. Your recipes speak of profound wisdom that could help improve any marriage.
I don't believe in coincidence and realistically, what are the chances of a jewish male from Pittsburgh meeting a chinese woman from Shanghai and being able to tick off all the boxes regarding interests and priorities let alone falling in love?
Love does not stop at the grave...after all, the body is only a vessel we humans need to get around on this earth.....Jack guided both of you to each other to continue the great love you both shared in his life. His soul (essence) is still very much alive for all eternity.
Your love together is a gift from beyond.
I hope one day you can both come to New Castle. I would love to have your fill in some gaps for me in your story.
Blessing to you both
Elisabeth & Bruce
2) Joann Duffeet
3) 雯華
小波Xiaobo:
文章写得好，文中故事更精彩！人间真爱、友间真情。—-你真美！你真棒！来不及倾听你的动人故事、来不及学习你的感人事迹！——虽相见恨晚，但终算有缘！[握手][握手][拥抱][拥抱][玫瑰][玫瑰]
雯华
2018-10-1
文章写得好，文中故事更精彩！人间真爱、友间真情。—-你真美！你真棒！来不及倾听你的动人故事、来不及学习你的感人事迹！——虽相见恨晚，但终算有缘！[握手][握手][拥抱][拥抱][玫瑰][玫瑰]
雯华
2018-10-1
4) Cathy
2)Dear Xiaobo,
Thank you for inviting me to see your documentary at PC TV . Your story was truly expressed through this film.
I was impressed how you and Jack really worked at your marriage and made it successful. He was an amazing individual, but then so are you.
My heart went out to you when you said your heart was bleeding. I so understand that as when I went through my divorce, I felt like my heart was literally breaking. There were times I couldn't breathe and would heave from the upset.
I remember understanding a passage from scripture that says the Holy Spirit prays on our behalf through moans and groans that are not discernible to us. You can't imagine the agony that I expressed and didn't know when it came from.
The other piece that hit me hard, was when you said "all I ever wanted was a family". That is one of the reasons I was attracted to my ex husband's Italian family. They were always together eating, drinking, celebrating life. But the hardest part of the divorce was losing them completely. So where I thought I was part of the family, I was excluded because I wasn't blood.
Your 14 recipes of love reminded me of the Scripture passage 1 Corinthians 13. This passage represents agape love, that is not a romantic love, but the way we are called to love one another, the way God loves us.
Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs, Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.
I really meant it when I said that you inspire hope. Sharing your story and seeing you remarried and finding another man to love who loves you allows others to hope. Continue to share your story, knowing that God has blessed you yet again.
I wish you and Jay much happiness and a long successful relationship. Love doesn't see skin color, nationality, or religion, it sees another human being created in the image and likeness of God.
May God bless you and your family,
with love,
Cathy
May 23, 2016
5) Hedy O'Beil, Xiaobo's mother-in-law
6) Catherine & Madeline, Xiaobo's "Irish" sisters
7) 姜金城（上海傳記作家）
8) 陳永生、朱麗華、文佳（Wendy）、外婆 （多倫多）
9) Ying Wang
10) Feeney
11) 上海老作家們贈送小波賀卡 2011/02/28：孫毅、姚佂人、黃屏、姜金城、彭新琪、姚芳藻、歐陽文彬、夏謝時、王安憶（中國作家協會副主席、上海市作家協會主席）題詞：「好人一生平安」、李章。黃宗英給小波的題詞：「記住該記住的，忘掉該忘掉的。」
12) 唐淑晶（北京醫生）
13) 姚芳藻（上海作家）
14) 彭新琪（上海老作家）
15) Joanne Duffy（俄亥俄州 Youngstown 中學英語系主任）
16)
17)
黄老师，你好！看了几遍你发来的贴子，让我感动，几次想写，但欲言又止，你是个不可多得的才女，不畏艰难，勇敢面对，能文能武，聪明才智，对生活充满热情与憧憬，不论在国内还是在美国，你就象一团火，组织带领大家参加各项有益活动，不忘初心，传承中华文化，促进中美两国间人文交流，是两国人民的桥梁[握手]……等，总之让我敬佩！
时间过得好快，我随女儿来美国访学己快一年，三月底即将回国，没有机会再参加你们的活动，有点遗憾和相见恨晚，但是我们在老年中心相遇，一见如故，这也是缘分，让我们相识，我一定会把这次不同寻常的春节联欢活动和你—黄小波，牢牢记在心里。我忠心的欢迎你和你先生来上海玩！[握手][握手][握手][抱拳][抱拳][抱拳][爱心][爱心][爱心] 敏丽 2020年2月29日
黄老师，你好！看了几遍你发来的贴子，让我感动，几次想写，但欲言又止，你是个不可多得的才女，不畏艰难，勇敢面对，能文能武，聪明才智，对生活充满热情与憧憬，不论在国内还是在美国，你就象一团火，组织带领大家参加各项有益活动，不忘初心，传承中华文化，促进中美两国间人文交流，是两国人民的桥梁[握手]……等，总之让我敬佩！
时间过得好快，我随女儿来美国访学己快一年，三月底即将回国，没有机会再参加你们的活动，有点遗憾和相见恨晚，但是我们在老年中心相遇，一见如故，这也是缘分，让我们相识，我一定会把这次不同寻常的春节联欢活动和你—黄小波，牢牢记在心里。我忠心的欢迎你和你先生来上海玩！[握手][握手][握手][抱拳][抱拳][抱拳][爱心][爱心][爱心] 敏丽 2020年2月29日
Feedback about our documentary movie, "14 Recipes for Love" and book, "Believe in Love"
Feedback on my book, Believe in Love, from Robin M., January 22, 2020
3)读后感
小波在回忆的时候,想起开心的事时候会不禁的笑起来， 想起离别的时候会大声痛哭。在看这本书的时候,我也是一样,和书里的人一起笑一起哭 。虽然我没有见过小波的前夫JACK，但是他却活生生的在我脑海里,好像我非常了解这个人。他是一个这样爱搞笑,爱逗周围的人开心，并深爱着家人的人。不管是顺境还是逆境,JACK总是积极向上的生活,还不断的帮助别人。他说过的很多话做过的很多事,都是这么有魅力,是一个平凡又可敬的人。
感觉本书的作者也是非常有才华的人，把点点滴滴整理的连贯易懂。书里没有很多华丽的语言，大多都是生活的对话，却让人感觉温暖，印象深刻。很多夫妻之间会有这样那样的矛盾，但是小波和JACK的爱,让他们超越了这些，在一起的20几年,留下的都是幸福，幸福……
为家庭琐事烦恼的人,是不是可以受到一些启示，想想自己爱对方够不够?自己有没有为家庭尽全力付出？我甚至害怕看最后的章节，我希望在书里，这时间可以停止,这幸福可以永远。
但是，世界上没有什么是永恒的。看完和JACK告别的那一章，我用光了几盒纸巾。我是个天生心软的人，悲剧的电影电视剧都不敢看。
虽然生离死别是人之常事，但是真的发生在自己周围，还是会很难过。一个不认识的人尚且如此,何况是和JACK走过大半辈子的小波。
读过之后,可以非常理解,她是如何度过那段最痛苦的时光。
祝福小波，祝福JACK。
这本书是小波给自己留下的回忆。也是给在天堂的JACK最好的礼物。
Guo Hong Jie
Pittsburgh
2-25-2014
4)Live to Perfection in Love: The Story of Jack, Xiaobo and Jay
Published in Erie Chinese Journal-Translated by: Dr.Ruiqin Miao
July 19, 2011
Writer: Qiong Huang, Accountant, Masters in Finance and Taxation
1. It was at Pittsburgh International Airport that I met Xiaobo for the first time. We recognized each other instantly, although neither of us had seen the other before. Xiaobo had a warm and sincere simile, but I detected sadness in her eyes. Later on, through various conversations with her, I learned about the tragedy of her husband Jack. It was the eve of Thanksgiving Day 2009, less than a year after Jack passed away. While other families are busy preparing for their festive reunion, Xiaobo faced a collapsed world.
Jack was the unparalleled hero of Xiaobo. A casual visit of Xiaobo to Jack, who then lived in Youngstown in 1987, brought them into love and initiated their fairytale love story of 22 years.
Xiaobo was not a Cinderella who had the rare fortune of marrying a prince. Jack ran a bakery. They had to work hard to earn a living. When business was slow, they had difficulty making ends meet. However, their simple and ordinary life did not lack of color or fun at all, as long as Jack was around. When Xiaobo was tired, Jack sang Italian love songs to her; when she was blue, he made faces to cheer her up; when she was sick, he prayed to God that he would take on Xiaobo’s pain. They were together all day along, but Jack wrote cards, notes, and letters to Xiaobo to tell her how much he loved her. He never stopped writing in those 22 years. Xiaobo forwarded to me some copies of those cards, which are heart-touching and warm as ever.
Xiaobo was not the only person who received Jack’s care and love. A loyal Christian, Jack never hesitated to care about others. One thing he did every morning after getting up was to read the Bible and then to pray for a long list of people. Everyone who had acquaintance with him could sense his enthusiasm and vitality. Ever after he passed away, those, like me who had never met him in person, could still feel how vividly he lived in the memories of many.
Xiaobo was born an easy-going person. Jack turned her into a merry bird by love. Jack was her sky, her sunshine and her air. The sudden loss of Jack was a hard blow to Xiaobo, as if her wings were broken. Her days without him were spent in tears and sadness, and she lost 20 pounds in a short time. Her family decided to take her back to Shanghai. How would she face future life without Jack?
Xiaobo may not realize herself that 20 years of a happy marriage had integrated her life with Jack’s. Jack’s benevolence and love did not come out of nowhere. He lived a true Christian life and brought perpetual love to many people. Although he is gone, his love and vitality continue in Xiaobo and remain in cards, letters, videos, photos as well as many peoples’ hearts.
Just as the verse on Jack’s tomb says:
If tomorrow comes
I am not here
Do not think that we are apart
Whenever you think of me
I will be in your heart
2. While Xiaobo was regaining her spirit to plan her future, Jay entered her life. Xiaobo moved here and became my neighbor since Jay works in Pittsburgh. I had regretted not having a chance to know Jack and witness his love with Xiaobo. Now, I could have opportunities to get to know Xiaobo and Jay in close contact. Jay is a university professor, and a handsome gentleman just like Jack. He had the unhappy marriage before. My first impression of him was that he was rather quiet. Xiaobo’s sister and I both were happy for them but little concerned at the same time. We wondered whether Xiaobo could help Jay get out of the shadow of his previous marriage and whether Jay could face Xiaobo’s broken heart caused by Jack’s tragedy.
Like many love partners, Jay was first attracted by Xiaobo’s unique personality, and Xiaobo was moved by Jay’s sincerity. They spent a lot of time together, attending various events, introducing one to the other’s friends, and celebrating birthdays for each other. They were fully devoted to each other. Xiaobo brought her years’ of experience in a successful marriage into her relationship with Jay, although not intentionally. On Jay’s birthday, Xiaobo gave him a pleasant surprise in addition to the routine of writing him a birthday card. Jay was so moved that he wrote an e-mail in just 5 minutes to tell Xiaobo 33 reasons why he loves her! We laughed at this anecdote, saying that this was a real professor’s love style.
What Xiaobo and Jay have is not just romance, but rather they have to face various practical issues. The trauma of Jack’s death on Xiaobo is one of the most difficult. Once in a while, Xiaobo may get lost in mind, as if she went back to yesterday. She mentions Jack frequently, and Jack’s photos are present everywhere. She drops into overwhelming sadness unexpectedly. All these make us rather worried about her relationship with Jay.
However, as long as two people are in love, there is no difficulty that cannot be overcome. Their devotion is paid off with mutual acceptance. Jay helps Xiaobo recover from the sad loss of Jack by visiting Jack’s grave in Youngstown, as well as visiting Jack’s family and friends. He has experienced the kind of life Jack once had with Xiaobo and has received blessings from Jack’s family and friends. Xiaobo’s lovely daughter, Mae, visits them regularly. In a certain sense, the love and blessings that Xiaobo and Jack enjoyed did not end, but rather continue and revitalize. Jay is happy with and nurtured by this pleasant feeling. He has become more sociable, and the vitality that has been lying deep in his heart is now awake. In Xiaobo’s words, “Jay is now slowly blossoming.”
Xiaobo decided to produce a book in memory of her love and marriage with Jack, which was later supplemented with videos. This was time-consuming and effort-demanding. When she wants to discuss the details, Jay is always there, patiently helping her to revise articles and give suggestions. He has not only fallen in love with Xiaobo, but also has been fully engaged in part of her emotional world, past and present, good and bad, sunny and windy.
Xiaobo once recalled a visit she and Jay paid to Jack’s grave. While she was speaking emotionally to Jack, Jay said, “I also have something to tell Jack.” He then said, “Jack, You are the star that brings good fortune to Xiaobo and me. I will learn from your successful marriage and make your lovely wife happy with all my efforts. Bye.”
One day ago, we had a gathering at Xiaobo’s home when a friend and her family came to visit. Upon seeing the sweetness between Xiaobo and Jay, that lady and I could not help saying to Jay, “How lucky Xiaobo is! Although she lost a perfect Jack, she has you to be another perfect partner.” Jay thought for a moment and then told us very seriously, “It is you who are lucky because you did not experience the same kind of pain and sadness as Xiaobo did.” Such words earned Jay my high regard. He loves Xiaobo truly and sincerely, and meanwhile his feeling transcends mere love. In this sense, Jay can be called another hero.
Life that was once bestowed on Jack is to continue in Jay.
Those who have extended their blessings to Jack and Xiaobo now give the same blessings to Jay and Xiaobo, wishing them a perfect life in love.
Xiaobo, may you unfold your wings and soar again!
小波在回忆的时候,想起开心的事时候会不禁的笑起来， 想起离别的时候会大声痛哭。在看这本书的时候,我也是一样,和书里的人一起笑一起哭 。虽然我没有见过小波的前夫JACK，但是他却活生生的在我脑海里,好像我非常了解这个人。他是一个这样爱搞笑,爱逗周围的人开心，并深爱着家人的人。不管是顺境还是逆境,JACK总是积极向上的生活,还不断的帮助别人。他说过的很多话做过的很多事,都是这么有魅力,是一个平凡又可敬的人。
感觉本书的作者也是非常有才华的人，把点点滴滴整理的连贯易懂。书里没有很多华丽的语言，大多都是生活的对话，却让人感觉温暖，印象深刻。很多夫妻之间会有这样那样的矛盾，但是小波和JACK的爱,让他们超越了这些，在一起的20几年,留下的都是幸福，幸福……
为家庭琐事烦恼的人,是不是可以受到一些启示，想想自己爱对方够不够?自己有没有为家庭尽全力付出？我甚至害怕看最后的章节，我希望在书里，这时间可以停止,这幸福可以永远。
但是，世界上没有什么是永恒的。看完和JACK告别的那一章，我用光了几盒纸巾。我是个天生心软的人，悲剧的电影电视剧都不敢看。
虽然生离死别是人之常事，但是真的发生在自己周围，还是会很难过。一个不认识的人尚且如此,何况是和JACK走过大半辈子的小波。
读过之后,可以非常理解,她是如何度过那段最痛苦的时光。
祝福小波，祝福JACK。
这本书是小波给自己留下的回忆。也是给在天堂的JACK最好的礼物。
Guo Hong Jie
Pittsburgh
2-25-2014
4)Live to Perfection in Love: The Story of Jack, Xiaobo and Jay
Published in Erie Chinese Journal-Translated by: Dr.Ruiqin Miao
July 19, 2011
Writer: Qiong Huang, Accountant, Masters in Finance and Taxation
1. It was at Pittsburgh International Airport that I met Xiaobo for the first time. We recognized each other instantly, although neither of us had seen the other before. Xiaobo had a warm and sincere simile, but I detected sadness in her eyes. Later on, through various conversations with her, I learned about the tragedy of her husband Jack. It was the eve of Thanksgiving Day 2009, less than a year after Jack passed away. While other families are busy preparing for their festive reunion, Xiaobo faced a collapsed world.
Jack was the unparalleled hero of Xiaobo. A casual visit of Xiaobo to Jack, who then lived in Youngstown in 1987, brought them into love and initiated their fairytale love story of 22 years.
Xiaobo was not a Cinderella who had the rare fortune of marrying a prince. Jack ran a bakery. They had to work hard to earn a living. When business was slow, they had difficulty making ends meet. However, their simple and ordinary life did not lack of color or fun at all, as long as Jack was around. When Xiaobo was tired, Jack sang Italian love songs to her; when she was blue, he made faces to cheer her up; when she was sick, he prayed to God that he would take on Xiaobo’s pain. They were together all day along, but Jack wrote cards, notes, and letters to Xiaobo to tell her how much he loved her. He never stopped writing in those 22 years. Xiaobo forwarded to me some copies of those cards, which are heart-touching and warm as ever.
Xiaobo was not the only person who received Jack’s care and love. A loyal Christian, Jack never hesitated to care about others. One thing he did every morning after getting up was to read the Bible and then to pray for a long list of people. Everyone who had acquaintance with him could sense his enthusiasm and vitality. Ever after he passed away, those, like me who had never met him in person, could still feel how vividly he lived in the memories of many.
Xiaobo was born an easy-going person. Jack turned her into a merry bird by love. Jack was her sky, her sunshine and her air. The sudden loss of Jack was a hard blow to Xiaobo, as if her wings were broken. Her days without him were spent in tears and sadness, and she lost 20 pounds in a short time. Her family decided to take her back to Shanghai. How would she face future life without Jack?
Xiaobo may not realize herself that 20 years of a happy marriage had integrated her life with Jack’s. Jack’s benevolence and love did not come out of nowhere. He lived a true Christian life and brought perpetual love to many people. Although he is gone, his love and vitality continue in Xiaobo and remain in cards, letters, videos, photos as well as many peoples’ hearts.
Just as the verse on Jack’s tomb says:
If tomorrow comes
I am not here
Do not think that we are apart
Whenever you think of me
I will be in your heart
2. While Xiaobo was regaining her spirit to plan her future, Jay entered her life. Xiaobo moved here and became my neighbor since Jay works in Pittsburgh. I had regretted not having a chance to know Jack and witness his love with Xiaobo. Now, I could have opportunities to get to know Xiaobo and Jay in close contact. Jay is a university professor, and a handsome gentleman just like Jack. He had the unhappy marriage before. My first impression of him was that he was rather quiet. Xiaobo’s sister and I both were happy for them but little concerned at the same time. We wondered whether Xiaobo could help Jay get out of the shadow of his previous marriage and whether Jay could face Xiaobo’s broken heart caused by Jack’s tragedy.
Like many love partners, Jay was first attracted by Xiaobo’s unique personality, and Xiaobo was moved by Jay’s sincerity. They spent a lot of time together, attending various events, introducing one to the other’s friends, and celebrating birthdays for each other. They were fully devoted to each other. Xiaobo brought her years’ of experience in a successful marriage into her relationship with Jay, although not intentionally. On Jay’s birthday, Xiaobo gave him a pleasant surprise in addition to the routine of writing him a birthday card. Jay was so moved that he wrote an e-mail in just 5 minutes to tell Xiaobo 33 reasons why he loves her! We laughed at this anecdote, saying that this was a real professor’s love style.
What Xiaobo and Jay have is not just romance, but rather they have to face various practical issues. The trauma of Jack’s death on Xiaobo is one of the most difficult. Once in a while, Xiaobo may get lost in mind, as if she went back to yesterday. She mentions Jack frequently, and Jack’s photos are present everywhere. She drops into overwhelming sadness unexpectedly. All these make us rather worried about her relationship with Jay.
However, as long as two people are in love, there is no difficulty that cannot be overcome. Their devotion is paid off with mutual acceptance. Jay helps Xiaobo recover from the sad loss of Jack by visiting Jack’s grave in Youngstown, as well as visiting Jack’s family and friends. He has experienced the kind of life Jack once had with Xiaobo and has received blessings from Jack’s family and friends. Xiaobo’s lovely daughter, Mae, visits them regularly. In a certain sense, the love and blessings that Xiaobo and Jack enjoyed did not end, but rather continue and revitalize. Jay is happy with and nurtured by this pleasant feeling. He has become more sociable, and the vitality that has been lying deep in his heart is now awake. In Xiaobo’s words, “Jay is now slowly blossoming.”
Xiaobo decided to produce a book in memory of her love and marriage with Jack, which was later supplemented with videos. This was time-consuming and effort-demanding. When she wants to discuss the details, Jay is always there, patiently helping her to revise articles and give suggestions. He has not only fallen in love with Xiaobo, but also has been fully engaged in part of her emotional world, past and present, good and bad, sunny and windy.
Xiaobo once recalled a visit she and Jay paid to Jack’s grave. While she was speaking emotionally to Jack, Jay said, “I also have something to tell Jack.” He then said, “Jack, You are the star that brings good fortune to Xiaobo and me. I will learn from your successful marriage and make your lovely wife happy with all my efforts. Bye.”
One day ago, we had a gathering at Xiaobo’s home when a friend and her family came to visit. Upon seeing the sweetness between Xiaobo and Jay, that lady and I could not help saying to Jay, “How lucky Xiaobo is! Although she lost a perfect Jack, she has you to be another perfect partner.” Jay thought for a moment and then told us very seriously, “It is you who are lucky because you did not experience the same kind of pain and sadness as Xiaobo did.” Such words earned Jay my high regard. He loves Xiaobo truly and sincerely, and meanwhile his feeling transcends mere love. In this sense, Jay can be called another hero.
Life that was once bestowed on Jack is to continue in Jay.
Those who have extended their blessings to Jack and Xiaobo now give the same blessings to Jay and Xiaobo, wishing them a perfect life in love.
Xiaobo, may you unfold your wings and soar again!
2013年6月， 在上海骆新看了小波纪录片的英文版，并送了他的书给小波和Jay,他说他对小波的爱情，尤其是丈夫Jay帮助小波节哀，成为她纪录片的编辑而感动，骆新先生，知识渊博，平易近人，第一次见面，像老朋友一样谈了两个小时。
